Voted most handsome by the minority of the pre-kindergarten in a small, provincial town in Poland.

I have been known to prepare my own income tax statements. I’ve started revolutions, tamed tigers, emptied the bars, balanced budgets, quelled uprisings, and peeled potatoes. Expert skills in ironing clothes, flying airplanes, toilet washing, and fighting windmills. Master seducer of women, men, and puppies. Patron saint of lost causes. Willing to fight and die for the Oxford comma.

I buy and sell:

  • used cars
  • manure
  • land
  • whiskey
  • fly swatters
  • racing stripes
  • bongos
  • dry holes
  • wind machines
  • passing impressions

Should you need to contact me about any of the above, kindly don’t. As for anything else…

Great! You’ve successfully signed up.
Welcome back! You've successfully signed in.
You've successfully subscribed to Tetrapyloctomy.
Your link has expired.
Success! Check your email for magic link to sign-in.
Success! Your billing info has been updated.
Your billing was not updated.