Voted most handsome by the majority of the pre-kindergarten in a small, provincial town in Poland.

I have been known to prepare my own income tax statements. I’ve started revolutions, tamed tigers, emptied the bars, balanced budgets, quelled uprisings, and peeled potatoes. Expert skills in ironing clothes, flying airplanes, toilet washing, and fighting windmills. Master seducer of women, men, and puppies. Patron saint of lost causes. Willing to fight and die for the Oxford comma.

I buy and sell:

  • used cars
  • manure
  • land
  • whiskey
  • fly swatters
  • racing stripes
  • bongos
  • dry holes
  • wind machines
  • passing impressions

Should you need to contact me about any of the above, kindly don’t. As for anything else…