Terms of Service

Welcome to Tetrapyloctomy, you beautiful bastards! By using our site, app, platform, widgets, doodads, or any other ridiculously named technology we come up with, you agree to the following and forgo any remaining rights to privacy, dignity, or that illusion of free will you still cling to.

  1. We can collect any data we want on you, up to and including your browsing history, location, alcohol blood level content, biometric data, and those drunk texts you sent to your ex last night. Don't worry, we'll keep it totally secure until we get hacked or sell it to the highest bidder.
  2. We can change these terms anytime without notice because reading is for nerds. An updated version will magically appear one day and if you don't like it, too bad.
  3. All content you submit is ours to exploit forever. Those cat photos? We're making an NFT. Your diary entries? Hello, bestseller! Your genetic data? Now the property of our pharmaceutical subsidiary.
  4. No taking us to court or else our army of lawyers will crush you like a bug. All disputes settled through binding arbitration that heavily favors us. Mwahaha!
  5. We make no warranties that this site will be useful, accurate, or not melt your face off. Use at own risk.
  6. Our ads will stalk you around the web because surveillance capitalism, baby! Click on them or else.
  7. We can cancel your account anytime for any reason, so don't get too attached. Buh-bye now!

So in summary, we own you, know everything about you, and can do whatever we want. Isn't technology grand? By using this website you agree to give us your soul in perpetuity.

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